I'm Bai and I like elephants.


stands outside the divorce court waiting for hot dads who need love

(via nlghtvisions)


I can still be an adult and drink out of a sippy cup, get the fuck outta my face

(via strawberrydoe)



wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

(Source: spockdarlin, via smothered-petals)


Shall we discuss your demanding nature or your stubborness, girl? Either way will still result with your ass in the air over my knee.